My Experience

[stayawake]

Hi all !
I am far from new from being on the board. But I thought that some of you lurkers may be encouraged through my experience.

I got baptized in 1963 I am probably the oldest one on the board. I never was inactive up until early spring of 2004 . You would have to know me to know how dedicated I was to the governing body. I would have died for them, if need be and I mean that literally . I always took the truth very seriously. Just as I do and did Jehovahs word. To me if someone is going to be somebody they must play the game according to the rules. So when Jehovah said "He that is faithful in little , is faithful in much" .. That was always my guideline .

I am going to have to condence this but in the early spring of 2004 my regular postman had a weeks vacation so a substitue filled in that week where I live that used to be an old neighbor, she also new that I was one of Jehovahs Witnesses because I used to give her the magazines. The week she was substituting for my territory I recieved a letter and slit it open ( I dont like to tear anything so I used a knife to slide it open) and pulled out a bright orange sheet of paper . On the top was printed in real dark black ink " The Watchtower & the NGO " I slid it back in the envelope assuming it was apostate material and turned the envelope around to see who would send me such a thing ..My heart dropped because it was addressed to the kingdom hall (Our Kingdom Hall does not have a post office box ) ! On the front of the envelope was a 1/2" red ink rubber stamped word: ELDERS. In the corner of the envelope I remember seeing the name King . I froze because "now what ?" I had opened a letter that belonged to the kingdom hall .

I immediatley called an elder friend from another congregation , and told him what had happened and he asked " Oh that NGO thing ? Just toss it in the rubbage " So without reading it (I wouldnt dare ) I threw it in the waste basket . That night a sister called from another state and I told her about the experience. She asked me to see if there was a website address. And there was so she took it down . That letter was never mentioned again . Until maybe 3 months later. The sister brought the subject up , telling me that she had looked into it , and what this brother had to say was the truth! Of course , I thought she was crazy . I requested that she send me the NGO document by email of course.

I called up the United Nations and had to be directed to about 4 diffrent phone numbers before I got to the one that was willing to talk to me . I started out by saying that my spirituality was at stake and I had to have some answers . So I proceded to ask if it was true about the WT becoming an NGO member. "Yes he replied," it was true "... I asked him " How did I know he was telling the truth?" and he proceeded to tell me that he was the Cheif of the NGO. And that his name was Paul Hoffel and his signature is at the bottom of all NGO documents , and that there were so many phone calls coming in that the UN had to make a seperate line just for him to do all the answering . I was heart sick and I told him I was. He wanted to know how this affected my faith . I told him that the WT teaches that the UN is the scarlett colored wild beast . He apparently wasnt familiar with the Christian Bible


He said in ALARM " WE ARE NO BEAST WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE .. please tell all your friends we are good people " Well anyways the conversation ended and he was very kind and understanding with me. But that did it . Like Jehovah said " Faithful in little , Faithful in much "


I had to get Jehovahs veiwpoint of it , I had to make decisions . I could not continue supporting the lie. Supporting someone that James calls an adultress. James 4:4 .. I could no longer partake at the table of Jehovah and the table of demons, too. This was deception . 10 years of being a member and ALLOWING us to be a sharer in their SIN for 10 years. Never even telling us . And then the sin being uncovered and their lying about it . My thoughts were "no way could the governing body be the bride of Christ " The book of Revelation tells us that the Bride of Christ or the 144,000 are virgins bought from the earth. I could go on and on but I did say I was going to condence this .

Now you tell me what are the odds of my getting that letter , that was meant for the elders in my congregation ? There arent any , in my eyes and my love for Jehovah it had to be divine intervention .

I just wanted to tell you brothers and sisters that when you feel like many have said they felt they were directed to this board. Beleive me you are right ..Jah works in mysterious ways.

This is why I am so defensive of Jehovahs word..

Love ,
Stayawake

[Jade]

Oh Stayawake I am so glad you've shared this with us. I find it so interesting to know how you got here. I often wonder if Jehovah has allowed it to be so that some of us should find out about this. Wondered and worried. I have by no means ever been the best Witness. My dad wasn't an elder which seemed to be the thing that held the most weight in our congregation. The elder's kids all had their own clique which I never fitted in with and so I never really felt I 'belonged' in the truest sense of the word. Trouble seemed to follow our family in the kingdom hall for reasons that I never understood. I have hoped ever since finding out about the UN and the Watchtower connection that Jehovah allowed us to know about it. Hearing your story makes me really think it could be so and makes me feel so humbled.

[DoubtingThomas]

My experience is very similiar to yours stayawake. I directed so much devotion (false worship) to the organization, that Jehovah had to get my attention. He did that too! I was disciplined severely by Jehovah for worshipping a man made religious organization, rather than God Himself. I have a much more balanced viewpoint now, since being directed to this site and perimennos site and others who accurately understand that time of the end bible prophecy applies to Jehovah's Witnesses, and not Christendom (who only claims to serve God). My views are very similiar as Robert Kings. God's organization is a wonderful tool that Jehovah has and continues to use to educate honest hearted persons. But the prophets foresaw that wickedness and evil would also be amoung God's people in the last days, in the form of abusive shepherds and no doubt even amoung some of the self-proclaimed annointed, likely including even some of the Governing Body members.

[Peter]

In 2004 I faced a fork in the road, go with the Watchtower or travel the rocky road with Robert King. Its been psychological hell - torn between two worlds - a twilight zone.

My heart is broken, my spirit crush - I keep enduring.

Stayawake I was move by you account and the love you have sown for Jehovah.



Peter

[Olm]

For me it was either late 2003 or early 2004, can't quit remember, but sometime around there just after I got married. I for some reason became very interested in reading the bible much more then normal. It just seem to hit me that I need to read and study and take in so much. Before that I just read the bible and the WT stuff every so often and of course I did believe everything that the WT told us. Anyway I started to look for other sites besides the WT site online, I wanted to see if there were other JW sites.

Then I came across e-watchman, and since it was one of the things for JWs when I typed in Jehovah Witness, I took a look at it. Very confused, couldnt tell if it was for or against JWs. But long story short, the site interested me and I kept reading and learned about things that I never knew. Infact my knowledge has increased so much since finding this site. I was way out of the loop with the rules of the WT since I stopped going to kingdom hall when I was about 8 years old, I have learned a lot of the rules since reading post on this board. Very Interesting I must say and strick, the WT does put a heavy load upon people.

I also feel like Jehovah has led me to this site, I don't know why. I have done nothing great or anything, i'm just a young 26 year old that stopped going to kingdom halls at 8 years old. But perhaps there is a reason for me to get to know the wrongs about the WT and the truth of the bible. Anyway thats a sort story of how I found this site and why I choose to stay.

[EmmaKay]

Hrmmm....well....

It was an interesting journey to say the least. As many of you already know what happened to me as a young JW (for those who don't, to put it short...sexual abuse, they covered it up and I left)...

I was in an abusive relationship with my ex-Husband, he was both verbally and physically abusive, more verbally than physical (I believe the two go hand in hand though), I wasn't 'allowed' to research religion or anything of the sorts. So after we divorced and I remarried my current Husband, we were 'looking into' religion. He was raised catholic, and I was JW. Oil and water.

So we were both dead set against re-joining either religion, however, I couldn't see myself being anything other than a JW. He was completely open to just about anything except the two...especially knowing my story with them. So I started looking into the JW past just to see what information I could find, I didn't think I was going to really find much....boy was I WRONG!
I became severly confused, my entire world was crashing around me, Where was I going to go? I couldn't go back to JW NOW...there was no way I could 'eat from two tables'...After I learned of the NGO and all of the other sexual abuse cases...I was heavy hearted and I prayed harder than ever. I prayed for forgiveness over everything...I prayed for Jehovah to show me the truth. It was in the late/early hours of the day, I tearfully prayed for a teacher...I came inside my home (Because I was on my front porch praying directly at the sky, thinking Jehovah would see me better without wood and shingles in the way) and I typed 'something' into the search engine bar, I still can't remember what it was. Anyways, Robert's site came up...the ONLY site that popped up as a result of the search. So....you guessed it...I clicked on it...and started reading. I read several essay's the first night....I cried a lot, prayed a lot and thanked Jehovah. I was confused at first...I e-mailed Robert about half a dozen times...asking questions...Here's something cute that I did...I actually e-mailed him and gave him my information about the pyramid stuff with Russell....like Robert didn't know! LOL....I look back a few months ago and realize just how much I've learned since starting here....*ahem* he never replied to that e-mail...BTW.

Anyways...I prayed for a 'congregation'...because I was worried...and I needed people to share with and...well...I'm sure you all get it...anywho...I saw the 'discussion' link on Robert's site... and found the board and all of you. I lurked for several weeks...trying to decide if I should 'join'. I saw posts from Stayawake...I loved her posts. I loved every single one and I searched for her posts. I thought 'I could learn a lot from that lady!'...so I decided to join so I could ask her questions....I figured I'd take it slow at first, get to know her before I bombarded her with PM's full of questions...after I joined, I learned that she was no longer a member... I was broken hearted. I prayed for her to come back...then...BAM...outta the blue, Nambo started a thread asking where she was. (Thanks again Brother *hugs*) Then she rejoined. And I prayed again for her to study with me...and BAM...I got a PM from her about an hour later asking if she could study with me via e-mail. I gladly accepted...BTW. and I told her this story.

So...do I believe that Jehovah guided me here? Yes...with out a shadow of a doubt. Now, my Husband watched all of this play out, he's a witness to this entire story....he was floored. Floored enough that he too shares in my study with Stayawake and he stopped putting my faith 'down' and has become a believer...he's starting to read his bible and is reading Robert's book and following along on the DB, he doesn't post, but he likes the topics and it helps me get into bible discussions with him. So thank you to all of you and to Robert for starting the DB and publishing all of his thoughts.

May Jehovah bless you all.
-Emma

[Gabriel]

....I dont know, I remember when I was younger, on accation when I was at the meetings and the brother giving talks would mention scriptues of judgement and apply them to christiandom, I've always heard a funny voice in my head saying...."Some of those judgements being read belong to Jehovah's people as well." I couldnt have been no more than 15-17 at the time. I would always brush it off as me being silly but it was always a lingering thought in my head. Between the ages of 22-28 my spirituality began to hit rock bottom....hold up....it did hit rock bottom. I got disfellowshiped (gesh thats a long word!) and I was in a state of emotional hurt and confusion...and wow....I remember felling so "ANGRY". I was surffing the web to find people who felt just like I did. I wanted to lash out at the watchtower with everything I had. In all honnesty, I was on the road of becomming apostate....I mean that with a capital "A". Now before I hit rock bottom I had always had a sincere love for Father...I really did. I would have frequent talks with him...go on walks...God i loved those walks...gave me the oppertunity to speak with him in the same way that a young boy would go on walks with his father hand in hand. Unfortuantely as I got older other things began to crowd out that relationship.

Like stay, I got to make this short. As i was looking for "ANGRY SITES" to join.....I came across this one. I didnt like it because it wasnt angry enough. I truely believe that satan was really working on me at this point. I would brows the site then look for another one that i felt was angry to the same degree I was. However....now this is weird....this was the ONLY site that I could pull up! I figured what the hell Ill take a closer look...surely angry people are on this board somewhere. Thats when I began to read some of the essays that Robert had written. I learned about the lie of 1914 as well has the whole NGO thing. when I read that I was HURT to the bottom of my heart and it bothered me deeply. Imagine that! Here i was...becoming apastate...and I get angry because of what the Watchtower had done and things that it continue to do! What happend to me at that point was those feelings of hurt and disbelief in the watchtower and their betrayal of Father reminded me of the Love that I had at first. The more I began to read...the more I began to heal...the more I began to heal...the more I began to understand....the more I began to understand...the more determind i became to repair my relationship with father.

So here I am now. My love for him as never been as strong and sincere as it is now. Yes...Father saved me! he taought me a hard lesson as wel las reminded me that no matter what my situation was he would always be there for me and that this site "eWatchtman.com" was a place that he wanted me to stay and to continue to feed.With his own hand he snatched me out of the flames and has been nurtering my eversince.

[joedman]

I was just wondering where most of you came from as respects your association with JW's. It would be nice if everyone posted their experience here and how they felt about the administrators understanding. That way we would have a place to go refresh our understanding of each other. I know sometimes I can't get a grasp of how some of you lean just by reading your post. Although I'm relatively new and I'm sure I'll get to know y'all as time goes on.

But anyway, I use to think anything from the GB was law. I think getting kicked out weakened that belief enough to consider what a friend who had left the Org had to say. He also told me about Ray Franz. So I read two of Rays books. That did it for me. I was sure that JW's was just another misguided religion. Reading those books caused me to search out other ex-witnesses. I thought if God had a plan, he would reveal it to sincere Witnesses who were searching. Unbelievable the path some people take after knowing the basic truths. I was encouraged to pray to a triune God. Even as a Catholic growing up I didn't believe that. These same people claimed they talked to Jesus and amazingly, he talked back. I was quite dissaoppointed that Jesus or God would reveal himself to so many people and not me. I went out by myself to pray and ask God to let me know something for sure, maybe even talk to me. I'd peak up occasionally to see if Jesus was there. Well, I got just what I expected: Silence. I was told about e-watchman.com by the friend mentioned earlier and just as sure as I was of the basic truths I'd learned from JW's , I'm equally convinced of the deeper truths I've learned here.

I have some spiritual friends that won't talk to me now. It's hard not to be upset with them for being so misled. But I was in their shoes before. I thought about getting a post office box to use for the return address and sending them a copy of Robert's book. I figure if I sent the book with return postage paid, I may get the book back if they didn't read it. If they did, then they could let me know how they felt and then we could have an exchange of encouragement. Regardless, I think God has the best way for sincere ones to accept the truth already laid out. I wonder if I hadn't read Ray's book would I have ever learned the real truth. I don't agree with Ray, but it just may be the way God knew it would get me here.

Like Olm, I haven't done anything outstanding. Wait, I take that back, I think I turned my field service reports in on time once. But that's it. So maybe this sight is to prepare us for something spectacular.

Thanks for the post Stayawake. God does work in mysterious ways.

[watchman]

Interesting experiences. It is deeply humbling to me to have been used by Jehovah thus far in some small way.

By the way StayAwake, the first open letter (the open letters are listed on the commentaries index page) was posted in March of 2004. That coincided with the original mass mailing to every kingdom hall in the U.S. and Canada.

On a personal note, although I am very reluctant to give personal information I do feel some obligation to let my friends know what's up with me, particularly since I have not been very productive in recent months as regards writing. But, my wife and I are traveling. In fact, I am piggy-backing on a wireless connection from some neighbor's router at the moment. :0095: (Is that immoral?)

Anyway, we are still working on setting up a new website. Hopefully, though, I can get back in the groove before the world blows up.

watchman

[Peter]

[Reader]

It was very nice to read all those stories.

I don't really have time to enter mine in right now, but I will at some point.

Thanks again

And keep them coming.

Reader

[stayawake]

In 2004 I faced a fork in the road, go with the Watchtower or travel the rocky road with Robert King. Its been psychological hell - torn between two worlds - a twilight zone.
My heart is broken, my spirit crush - I keep enduring.
Stayawake I was move by you account and the love you have sown for Jehovah.
Peter[/b]


Dear Peter
,Believe me I know what your saying,
I was in torment, as I seen a choice (for myself ) had to be made'
I felt I was being torn apart, it was one of the hardest decisions I ever made.
Same with my daughter and grandaughter, and others that seen as I did.
My one friend thought she was going to have a breakdown.
What she meant was the deprograming the mind and replacing thoughts with Jahs Word.

In time when one sees that Jahs word does the directing, and one makes a U turn to the inner voice that says ,"This is the Way " , then one also sees the light at the end of the tunnel .
love stayawake

[Deborah]

Dear Stayawake,

Thank you for sharing your story. I appreciate that you were the first person to welcome me with a PM. I love your passion and zeal.

With Love To You, Debbie

[Candace]

Gabriel, you had me in tears. It just shows how in spite of your anger, Jehovah saw what was really inside of you. He just kept patiently guiding you in the right direction. And here you are. I'm so glad you're here brother.

In fact, I'm very thankful for the whole group here. Many thanks to Robert for listening to Jehovah's spirit and responding. Many thanks to his wife for her support. And many thanks to Timothy for the work he does keep this site up and running. I'm sure there are other behind-the-scenes people to thank too. But most of all, Praise Jah for giving us a meeting place and many spiritual blessings.

I had to overcome a lot of obstacles in order to get to the point of being baptized. From an opposing spouse and opposing relatives, to conforming to the Christian way of life and trying to develop a Christ-like personality. I was threatened with losing everything if I pursued baptism. I lost a lot (home, means of support, car, spouse), but not what counted the most (my kids, my relationship with Jehovah, my faith in Jesus). I was blessed to be in a great congregation with people who genuinely loved and cared for one another. Life was good for the most part. It didn't start going downhill until we moved to Florida in 1991.

Things started out okay, I guess, but there were undercurrents of trouble in all the congregations. Occasional phone calls to the friends I left behind in Oklahoma revealed things were on the decline there too. Gradually, conditions inside the congregations just kept getting worse. Families were falling apart, marriages were falling apart. Pedophiles were coming out of the woodwork...a circuit overseer in South Florida, several brothers in the area I lived in, an elder from California who was visiting his family in Florida. Most of the teens from those years are gone, either DF'd or they just walked away.

From 1994, when my oldest daughter's problems first started, until a year later, when she was DF'd, I was of the belief that if you did everything the way the Society outlined, you would have a good outcome. I had to learn the hard way that that is not true.

From 1999 to 2007 I put forth every effort to do things by the book, the Society's book so-to-speak, because at the time I still believed that if you followed their direction you would have a good outcome. No matter how hard I tried, I was not getting a good outcome, things kept getting worse. When you are doing your utmost to do the right things, but your situation keeps getting worse, you keep questioning, "What am I doing wrong?" During that time period I went from a relatively happy, well-adjusted person, to a person who had chronic depression and anxiety, chronic fatigue, and even a long bout with vertigo brought on by the increasing anxiety in my life. There were also other health issues, such as MCS and asthma that contributed to the overall problem.

As the emotional pain and mental stress in my life increased, and my efforts to get the issues causing these problems resolved met with no success, I began shutting my life down, little by little, bit by bit. At the time I managed to hang on to a little part time job that involved a couple hours of work 5 days a week. Numerous mental health providers all told my that my depression and anxiety were situational. Nobody pushed me to make any decisions. Nobody talked me into doing anything. They mainly just listened. At some point in time I started listening to myself talking to them, and I realized that if I didn't make some changes in my life, I would be visiting them for the rest of my life talking about my anxiety and depression instead of doing something about it.

It was at the lowest point of my life that I came across the e-watchman site. When I look back and see how Jehovah worked everything out, it just amazes me. He arranged a two month vacation in Portugal for me and my daughter to 1) get me away from the monster that was making my life hell and 2) to give me an opportunity to learn the truth about the truth in a peaceful setting, where I could begin my journey of recovery. If you knew all the events that led up to me and my daughter spending two months in Portugal and how tight money was back then, you would know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that that was something Jehovah made happen.

I have no doubt Jehovah's spirit helped me to find Robert's e-book. That was the beginning of my journey of recovery and healing. I stayed up late every night reading the e-book until my eyes were blurry. I kept picking up my Bible to read Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, and the minor prophets. There is an indescribable joy in knowing that all along, through all the difficult periods, Jehovah was with me every step of the way. A lot of different things had to play out to get where I am today. Jehovah saw what was best for me and my daughter and patiently guided me every single step of the way.

I don't know what the local brothers and sisters would tell you about me. They might say, "She's inactive, she's lost her faith, she's given up on Jehovah." They don't see how the copper has been replaced by gold, and the iron by silver. They can't comprehend how I can be serving Jehovah, or how I am being fed spiritually, or how I have some of the best association with brothers and sisters than I've ever had in my entire life.

No matter what our background is, or how we ended up here, what we all have in common is that we have this really strong desire to worship Jehovah in spirit and truth. I appreciate being able to be here, and have this virtual family of support and encouragement. It's been an important part of learning how to worship in spirit and truth.

(Haggai 2:4-9) .*.*.“‘For I am with YOU people,’ is the utterance of Jehovah of armies. 5*‘[Remember] the thing that I concluded with YOU people when YOU came forth from Egypt, and [when] my spirit was standing in among YOU. Do not be afraid.’”

6*“For this is what Jehovah of armies has said, ‘Yet once—it is a little while—and I am rocking the heavens and the earth and the sea and the dry ground.’

7*“‘And I will rock all the nations, and the desirable things of all the nations must come in; and I will fill this house with glory,’ Jehovah of armies has said.

8*“‘The silver is mine, and the gold is mine,’ is the utterance of Jehovah of armies.

9*“‘Greater will the glory of this later house become than [that of] the former,’ Jehovah of armies has said. “‘And in this place I shall give peace,’ is the utterance of Jehovah of armies.”