Extremely Bad News

[Londoner]

Hi all

I've just learnt two weeks ago, that my daughter (17) who I had in a relationship before I came in the Truth and got married, was raped about a year ago. She had kept it to herself for all that time, except to a friend of her's, who she told on the very night.

Unfortunately, my daughter went home for a party by herself around 11pm. She has seen the the boy (around the same age) before, but he is not a friend. She lost her virginity. :mad:

My daughter has only told her mother last week as well, in an argument. Her mother had not be paying much attention to her in the past year, and even kicked her out at nights for a couple of hours so that she can have an extremely dodgy conversation with her boyfriend! Apparently, her mother has been giving this man all of her money, thus defaulting in paying her rent. She is helping him with a passport problem - she works in immigration. :o

Now that my daughter has told her mother about her poor behaviour and the rape, she is making attempts to repair the relationship and to change.

My daughter and mother live on the outskirts of London, while I and my wife and two other daughters (9 and 3 years) live near Central London. My daughter plans to stay with us soon to get away from it all.

This is the sort of thing that can weaken or destroy one's faith. I pray specifically everyday for Jehovah to protect my family from these very things. I know Jehovah allows certain things to occur, and that after you have survived the trial, your faith remains intact, and is strengthed.

I feel I've been bereathed and depressed, but a lot better than two weeks ago. I've continued to attend the meetings and field service. I feel determined that Satan's system of things will not take away my integrity to Jehovah and my love for Him.

Nevertheless - boy, how I hate this system of things! :sad2:

Please pray for my daughter, and me.

Londoner

[barry]

Hi Londoner,

I'm so sorry to read this. This is just horrible.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
I'll pray for you and your daughter.

kind regards,
Barry

[uglyandthin]

Hi Londoner:

Although I only know you a little bit through this and I think one other message board, my heart goes out to you and especially to your daughter whom I do not know at all. This is a horrible thing to happen to anyone, at any age, but especially with one so young in years who is going through the bloom of youth at such a precarious time as this.

If your daughter can talk to a counselor who respects God's Word and her Christian faith, if she is indeed a Christian, I do not know, she would benefit greatly, especially if this counselor has experience in dealing with women who have been raped. Your advice and council will also go a long way in helping her through this difficult time, and I will be sure to pray on her behalf as well. Not that I think I am anything special, but I do believe that prayers carry much power with Jehovah. I would hope all who know of this would do the same.

You do well in keeping up with your Faith during this time. I know from experience that when a close family member, especially one who is your flesh goes through something like this, you go through it with them. Gird up your own faith at this time, and you will be blessed for it. Hopefully, we will be done with this system and it's influence over mankind very soon and your daughter can regain the part of her that was stolen from her. That can only happen in God's Kingdom. I wish you and her the best always,

Your brother in Faith,

uglyandthin

[arimatthewdavies]

my prayer on your behalf goes now to jehovah who will surely strenthen and help you.

[watchman]

Sorry to hear that your family is suffering such evil. At least he did not physically harm her, or worse. More and more people are being turned into beasts. It is dreadful. Thank God it was not worse. I hope and pray that you and your daughter find comfort in the God of comfort.

watchman

[Jahsdisciple]

Im so sorry to hear that your beautiful daughters innocence has been trampled on...

I agree with U&T,she needs to see a professional about this. If she wont go,one of the really important things she needs to see is that no-one deserves this to happen. She "didnt ask for it" in some way. The fact that this has been untreated for a year will mean some form of negative reinforcement of this idea is how she will think.

Im not trying to lecture you,but she will be blaming herself in some way...or thinking that there is some part of herself that "is bad" and so deserved this. Its a complicated issue. Im sure in London there are many rape crisis centres.

Call them and talk to someone and they will be able to help you know what to do.

Dont blame yourself either. If i had a daughter and this happened,I would be so angry and hurt and confused. So,be understanding to yourself also ! These rape centres deal with all these issues. Brother,call someone about this !
Agape'
Jahsdisciple

[Jinnvisible]

Hi Londoner. If your daughter kept functioning for a year before she told her mother who she lives with about it, she must be a tough cookie.

She knows she can count on you for moral support, so she's fortunate to have you as a father. She will probably appreciate that even more now, maybe it wil bring you closer together.

[SlaveForJah]

Dear Brother Londoner,

My heart breaks for you and your daughter at this time. I haven't any sage advice for you, I'm afraid. So I will just say how saddened I am that this has happened to your daughter. I would also like to add my voice to the chorus of prayers that are now rising to our Father.


May Jah bless and keep you and yours in this difficult time.

SlaveForJah

[SWORDOFJAH]

(Numbers 6:24-26) 24 "May Jehovah bless you and keep you. 25 May Jehovah make his face shine toward you, and may he favor you. 26 May Jehovah lift up his face toward you and assign peace to you."’

[James]

Hi Londoner,

My prayers are with you also. That is something that is in the back of my mind constantly, as my daughter is going to turn 16 shortly. I have a feeling you are now being over-protective with your younger daughters, which imo, is not only a normal reaction, but really, a necessary response to these worsening times.

agape,
James

[shikinah]

Dear Londoner i really feel for both your daughter and yourself, this city has become a nightmare over the past few years, my daughter was drugged, sexually assaulted and held in a flat, but police could find them. But she is fine now and getting on with life. Just be there for her as you are, that's all you can do, teenage years are difficult enough as they are, but you have Jehovah and he will help you all get through the worst.

Shikinah

[FutureMan]

Hi all

I've just learnt two weeks ago, that my daughter (17) who I had in a relationship before I came in the Truth and got married, was raped about a year ago. She had kept it to herself for all that time, except to a friend of her's, who she told on the very night.

Unfortunately, my daughter went home for a party by herself around 11pm. She has seen the the boy (around the same age) before, but he is not a friend. She lost her virginity. :mad:

My daughter has only told her mother last week as well, in an argument. Her mother had not be paying much attention to her in the past year, and even kicked her out at nights for a couple of hours so that she can have an extremely dodgy conversation with her boyfriend! Apparently, her mother has been giving this man all of her money, thus defaulting in paying her rent. She is helping him with a passport problem - she works in immigration. :o

Now that my daughter has told her mother about her poor behaviour and the rape, she is making attempts to repair the relationship and to change.

My daughter and mother live on the outskirts of London, while I and my wife and two other daughters (9 and 3 years) live near Central London. My daughter plans to stay with us soon to get away from it all.

This is the sort of thing that can weaken or destroy one's faith. I pray specifically everyday for Jehovah to protect my family from these very things. I know Jehovah allows certain things to occur, and that after you have survived the trial, your faith remains intact, and is strengthed.

I feel I've been bereathed and depressed, but a lot better than two weeks ago. I've continued to attend the meetings and field service. I feel determined that Satan's system of things will not take away my integrity to Jehovah and my love for Him.

Nevertheless - boy, how I hate this system of things! :sad2:

Please pray for my daughter, and me.

Londoner

Hi Londoner, I sympathize with you as I have a daughter too, tho she is just over twenty now, but she is still living with us and having to deal with her emotional problems is very draining on both me and my wife.
She has not suffered rape, but she has a lot of emotional baggage because of the way she was treated during her school life and unfortunately even by her peers among the young ones of the various congregations that we have associated with over the years.

I understand that the effects of rape can be an ongoing emotional roller-coaster ride for all concerned, depending on the personality of individual of course.

I also know a young sister in the congregation I was associated with who had confided to my daughter that she had gone through date-rape. That is as I understand, she was under the influence of alcohol at the time and even though she said no, he still kept on with it.
Because of this she has also suffered from a guilt complex because of God's standards as regards immorality, and emotional problems.

I will do my best Londoner to remember to pray for her and you for God to help you to cope with this crisis.

[truthseeker]

Greeting's to you Londoner:

I have read your posts over the last year, there always very zealous and emotional in defense of your new found knowledge! In this I have a kindred spirit with you, in being emotional.
I have always loved this chapter of Psalms a melody of A'saph.
Psalms 73:


A melody of A′saph.

73

God is indeed good to Israel, to those clean in heart.


2 As for me, my feet had almost turned aside,


My steps had nearly been made to slip.

3 For I became envious of the boasters,

[When] I would see the very peace of wicked people.
4 For they have no deathly pangs;
And their paunch is fat.
5 They are not even in the trouble of mortal man,
And they are not plagued the same as other men.
6 Therefore haughtiness has served as a necklace to them;
Violence envelops them as a garment.
7 Their eye has bulged from fatness;
They have exceeded the imaginations of the heart.
8 They scoff and speak about what is bad;
About defrauding they speak in an elevated style.
9 They have put their mouth in the very heavens,
And their tongue itself walks about in the earth.
10Therefore he brings his people back hither,







And the waters of what is full are drained out for them.


11And they have said: “How has God come to know?




And does there exist knowledge in the Most High?”


12 Look! These are the wicked, who are at ease indefinitely.




They have increased [their] means of maintenance.


13 Surely it is in vain that I have cleansed my heart




And that I wash my hands in innocence itself.


14 And I came to be plagued all day long,




And my correction is every morning.


15 If I had said: “I will tell a story like that,”




Look! against the generation of your sons


I should have acted treacherously.

16 And I kept considering so as to know this;






It was a trouble in my eyes,


17 Until I proceeded to come into the grand sanctuary of God.




I wanted to discern their future.


18 Surely on slippery ground is where you place them.




You have made them fall to ruins.


19 O how they have become an object of astonishment as in a moment!




[How] they have reached their end, have been brought to their finish through sudden terrors!


20 Like a dream after awaking, O Jehovah,




[So] when arousing [yourself] you will despise their very image.


21 For my heart was soured




And in my kidneys I was sharply pained,


22 And I was unreasoning and I could not know;




I became as mere beasts from your standpoint.


23 But I am constantly with you;




You have taken hold of my right hand.


24 With your counsel you will lead me,




And afterward you will take me even to glory.


25 Whom do I have in the heavens?




And besides you I do have no other delight on the earth.


26 My organism and my heart have failed.




God is the rock of my heart and my share to time indefinite.


27 For, look! the very ones keeping away from you will perish.




You will certainly silence every one immorally leaving you.


28 But as for me, the drawing near to God is good for me.




In the Sovereign Lord Jehovah I have placed my refuge,


To declare all your works.



No human words can ever cure your pain of heart, only taking refuge in Jehovah do we have hope that eventually, soon all those unrepentantly responsible for are groanings will be gone, and the memory's of this misery will be erased forever and ever.



Love truthseeker

[dgibson]

Dear, Londoner

My heart goes out to you, in this time of emotional upsetting information you recieved. To a father, who is usually closer to daughters, it must be very difficult for you.

The world is full of sexual pear pressures on children, to give up their virginity, like it was nothing. Jehovah must certainly understand that in this present system, young ones are going to make irreversible mistakes, and I'm sure he will strengthen you and her to get through these tough times.

Jehovah surely remembers, that he speeded things up after the flood, making it more difficult for younger ones to make sense of, or have control over their emotional peaks and valleys.

In the new system, when everything is made new again, I'm sure we all will have a chance again to make our creator proud of our behavior. Until then, we must pick up and move on best we can, as if nothing happened.

Children are very smart too, and I want you to be on guard, that you aren't being manipulated by your strong feelings for clean conduct to become a sudden provider of full support for her agenda.

I'm sure thats not the case, but it happens in familys all the time. May Jehovah help you both get beyond this monent in time, and be able to get to the point that you have forgot it even happened.

Love

David

[panda]

Hi Londoner, so sorry about what has happened to your daughter, but pleased that you have remained faithful in such a trial, I am sure Jehovah will help you to cope.

I would strongly advice (by experience) that you try and help your daughter to see a councilor, she may tend to block away the effects of the rape, and this could cause her to find relief in other things when problems arise, because the pain is hidden deep.

She may think she is coping but if the problem is not addressed later on it could become worse for her.

I will remember you both in my prayers.

Love Panda

[TheMdC]

There's little I can say that hasn't already been said. Pray. Ask for the helper that Jesus promised, the Holy Spirit, and may the promised peace of mind be with you and your family.

6 Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving let YOUR petitions be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God that excels all thought will guard YOUR hearts and YOUR mental powers by means of Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6,7

[Nightflyer]

Hi Londoner, so sorry about what has happened to your daughter, but pleased that you have remained faithful in such a trial, I am sure Jehovah will help you to cope.

I would strongly advice (by experience) that you try and help your daughter to see a councilor, she may tend to block away the effects of the rape, and this could cause her to find relief in other things when problems arise, because the pain is hidden deep.

She may think she is coping but if the problem is not addressed later on it could become worse for her.

I will remember you both in my prayers.

Love Panda

I'm very sorry to hear this too, Londoner, and I agree with Panda here, councilor might be a good idea because we people tend to suppress these kind of bad experiences and then they might pop up later in life, I have seen this myself.

[Nightflyer]

Hi Londoner, I sympathize with you as I have a daughter too, tho she is just over twenty now, but she is still living with us and having to deal with her emotional problems is very draining on both me and my wife.
She has not suffered rape, but she has a lot of emotional baggage because of the way she was treated during her school life and unfortunately even by her peers among the young ones of the various congregations that we have associated with over the years.


This is so sad as well. I have seen this happen many times and experienced it myself just some years ago; some young Jws can be quite cruel to other young witnesses in the congregation. And pretty often these are some elders' daughters and sons who are acting this way! Of course there are some good ones as well but it seems that today they are the minority. Hopefully things will get better with your daughter soon.

Sorry I went a bit off-topic here.

[billy2]

sorry to hear about your daughter Londener - I pray Jehovah will help you and your family cope with this sad experience - lots of love and compassion to you and your daughter

i think its a good thing your daughter has been able to tell you about the experience - I know woman who have had this happen and they have never told their parents -as many hold these things inside and it doesnt get dealt with -as others have brought out this can lead to other problems

looking forward to the fulfullment of Rev 21 4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

[Desert Blossom]

Dear Brother Londoner,

Please share this with your daughter:

You cannot lose your virginity by rape. Your virginity is something you give away to the person of your choosing...it cannot be taken from you.

If you allow yourself to believe that the rapist took your virginity, you are giving him all the power and he does not deserve any power. You are a virgin until you decide to give your virginity to another person.

What your daughter did lose was her innocence. It is very sad to hear that she was assaulted in this way, but it sounds like she has already started learning how to cope with this event. A rape is not something you ever forget, but over time your daughter can distance herself from the emotional trauma.

I've been through a similar event with my own daughter, I think she got over it mentally and emotionally more quickly than I did. As a parent, we might feel like we failed to protect our daughter or that there was something we could have done to prevent the rape. We have to accept that there was nothing we could have done to prevent it. Love and emotional support will help your daughter to not only cope, but move past the event, and on with her life.

You and your daughter are in my prayers, may Jehovah give you the healing that you need.

[Nash]

Hi Londoner,

My prayers are with you, and I'm sorry that you're going through this. Please remember that this was neither your daughter's fault nor yours.

Nash

[Londoner]

Hi all :)

Thank you all for your comforting words, scriptures and prayer. The cloud of depression had lifted quicker than I thought it would. Your prayers were heard.

My daughter has said she wants to get on with her life now. I have not been able to persuade her to report the crime, and her mother, disappointingly, is not keen to do so either. My daughter has seen the culprit since, in the street in the day time, but was able to ignore him.

She has regained a measure of confidence when alone. She hasn't undergone counselling as yet, but I'll continue to remind her until it happens. Only myself, my wife and sister know what has happened, as well as only her mother, from her side of the family. We intend to keep it that way.

Thanks again for your love. :cool:

Londoner

[Utuna]

Londoner;41522Hi all :)

Thank you all for your comforting words, scriptures and prayer. The cloud of depression had lifted quicker than I thought it would. Your prayers were heard.

My daughter has said she wants to get on with her life now. I have not been able to persuade her to report the crime, and her mother, disappointingly, is not keen to do so either. My daughter has seen the culprit since, in the street in the day time, but was able to ignore him.

She has regained a measure of confidence when alone. She hasn't undergone counselling as yet, but I'll continue to remind her until it happens. Only myself, my wife and sister know what has happened, as well as only her mother, from her side of the family. We intend to keep it that way.

Thanks again for your love. :cool:

Londoner[/QUOTE]

Dear Londoner,

When I read your post three weeks ago, I decided to wait a little while because I thought that other members would express my feelings in much better ways than I do regarding the improvement of your situation.

By then, the DB was quite calm but now that a normal activity is back, I'd like to put your message back in conspicuous ways to everyone here because your so loving brothers have not forgotten you and share your feelings, whether they are sad or joyful. Our dear heavenly father gave you the strength to cope with that real ordeal (2Cor4:7) and I'll thank him for it just as I thank him for everything he does for his faithful servants even if it is unbeknownst to me...

"Many are the calamities of the righteous one,
But out of them all Jehovah delivers him." - (Psalm34:19)

"A young man I used to be, I have also grown old,
And yet I have not seen anyone righteous left entirely,
Nor his offspring looking for bread.

All day long he is showing favor and lending,
And so his offspring are in line for a blessing." - (Psalms 37:25-26)

I TRULY LOVE YOU AND YOURS, MY DEAR BROTHER !

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[SIZE=1]"Le sectarisme des jugements pauvres lui tenait quelquefois lieu de volonté" - Hervé Bazin
"J'ai pétri de la boue et j'en ai fait de l'or" - Charles Baudelaire
"S'il m'a été donné de voir un peu plus loin que les autres, c'est que je me tenais sur les épaules de géants" - Isaac Newton

[greymourning]

Hi Londoner, our children are our hearts walking around without us, and when they get hurt it's worse then when we ourselves are the target. Satan knows this and you can be sure your doing something right when Satan goes after your kids. Hes seeking to hurt you and distract you from your reliance on Jehovah. My children too have been used as targets recently and i can truly relate to your suffering. As for your daughters plight, I suffered something similar at 14 and was able to readjust and move on from it. Dont linger on it with her, be sensitive and protectful but also help her to focus on positive things and goals in her life. It will help stave off the depression. And pray by yourself and with her, for Jehovahs guidance going forward.
Love gm